Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Suicide and ME

A new 'study' is showing that patients with CFS could be more likely to commit suicide than healthy people. The authors seem to start off saying that the study did not include enough people to show statistical significance. I have to wonder why they bothered, then if they weren't studying enough data.
They then go on to blame the patients, saying that the reason they committed suicide is because they wouldn't go for treatment for the mental illness they knew they didn't have.

If someone with cancer commits suicide, then there is compassion and understanding that the patient  has maybe a few weeks or months to live, is in extreme pain,and that they wish to escape their last few weeks, deteriorating, weakening, and in increasing agony.

However, there is no compassion or understanding for those with ME, who could face years, even decades, of similar deterioration, weakening and pain.

I hate going to bed at night. Not because I fear I might not wake up, but because I fear that I will, and know that each awakening brings a fresh morning of pain.

DIY - The real me and ME

Yesterday I painted the bathroom ceiling!  It's only a tiny room, like most modern bathrooms.
DH put the stepladder in place for me. I rested all morning, then worked my way across the ceiling, being careful not to stretch too far or move too fast. I moved the stepladder slowly, eased the massive tub of paint gently from one spot to another. I stopped twice for a cup of tea and a rest. I was glad when I'd finished, and quite tired, but properly tired  - rather than simply exhausted. I have a great sense of satisfaction in my achievement; I felt like a real person again.
Today is a sofa day, so that tomorrow hopefully doesn't confine me in under the covers.
Even though I have ME - the real me is still in here!

Thursday, February 4, 2016

DIY - M.E style!

I'm so proud of myself - I managed some DIY!
Anyone who knows me in real life will already be bored to tears by this year's continuing
Saga Of The Plumbing,
Chapter 1 - The Leaky Bath
Chapter 2 - The Leaky Tap
Chapter 3 - The Leaky Joint
Chapter 4 - The Leaky Loo
Chapter 5 - The Broken Tile
With hit spinoff  - The Washing Machine That Tripped The Fusebox

The Starring Role was taken by DH, who has done all the plumbing work himself, with Special Guest Appearance of DD's wonderful DP, who skillfully applied the new bath sealant.

My cameo role in all of this was mainly searching for taps, sealant, etc online. However, this week my role was widened to include fitting 2 replacement ceramic wall tiles. In my past life I have tiled a splashback, a shower area, and all of my kitchen. This time it took me 10 minutes to figure out how to use the simpler of my 2 tile cutters, but I managed it - I fitted the two small tiles in place!

My next task was to do a tiny bit of painting. This is the person who used to be able to apply two full coats to any room in the house in a day. It took me two separate sessions yesterday to do the skirting board and door frame in a tiny bathroom - but I did it!

Today has mainly been spent in bed, curled up in pain, with a splitting headache and my limbs on fire. However, it was worth it, as the headache has now gone - but the work is still there, done, for me to glimpse a little of the me before ME.

Rest before - do a bit - rest afterwards.